I figured I would just lay it all on the line for all my blog sisters. I've been heartsick for the past few weeks, and not really myself. So if I've slighted anyone lately, I'm so sorry, my mind has been elsewhere.
A few weeks ago, on my San Antonio trip I thought I was pregnant (not really good news for me) and was excited/scared. Mostly scared. When I came home and discovered that I was not pregnant, I started thinking long and hard about it. I want another baby desperately but my body can not handle another pregnancy, the last one nearly killed me. I started another blog where I can go into detail about why and how I'm feeling about it because if I don't vent it somewhere, it consumes me. If you want to join the blog and talk about motherhood issues, infertility stories, or just a place to vent...feel free to email me at ami_1lou@yahoo.com. It's been 3 years since I was told that if I have another baby there's a more than 85% chance it'll kill me so you'd think I'd get it by now and not have pregnancy scares anymore. But a few months back I had this strange pain that landed me in the emergency room and it was finally linked to my IUD. The doctor removed it, which immediately gets my brain thinking that now I CAN get pregnant. Then I have to remind myself that just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Basically the reason for this post is I'm asking for support in doing what I should have done years ago, but I've been putting it off due to the heartache involved. I'm getting my tubes tied. It's something I've been thinking about for a few months and decided to do it a couple weeks ago and it has really been the only thing on my mind lately. So, I thought if I started my other blog and came clean to my blog sisters then maybe my brain can have rest and give my heart time to heal. Thank you so much for all your love and support and making me feel comfortable enough to share this.
6 comments:
I am so sorry for your heartache. I can only imagine. I can be consumed by things when told I can't have them. I was told to seriously reconsider further pregnancies after Maiya and that really upset me, so I can only imagine your feelings. I have to say though I seriously researched tying my tubes as well and I read alot about Post tubal ligation syndrome, which scared the crap out of me - especially since I am usually in the 1% that the weird thing happens too. So I have to ask why not have Jason do the deed, much cheaper and much easier on his body than a tubal is to you.
here is some info about that syndrome. http://www.tubal.org/symptoms_of_pts.htm
In some women the hormonal imbalance mimics morning sickness, not what you want to experience!
he's asking the same thing. jason's offered but for closure it's something i need to do. i'm not having a tubal ligation, i'm getting tubal implants (and since i only have 1 tube left, may i can get 50% off...)
Oh my goodness! I am so sorry to hear this. My heart goes out to you. I know that must be hard for you and also the decision you must make. Say lots of prayers and know that HF will comfort you in your moments of darkness. You are so sweet and I love getting to know you!
Brace yourself for an email, girl.
Oh, Ami, I know how you have kind of longed for another baby and, also, how you should probably get your tubes tied...and I can only imagine the internal struggle you must be feeling. But also remember that getting your tubes tied does not eliminate your chances for more children...it is still a very real and wonderful possibility as so many in the ward can attest to! I'm thinking of you always and remember you can bounce ideas and vent with me ANYTIME you want!
Ami-
Love coming at you from Utah. Also prayers. We sure are given a lot of struggles in this life. I'm sorry this is one of yours. You are an amazing mommy, and whether or not you get to have more kids (adoption, foster or any other way), you'll always be a wonderful mom. I understand the closure thing. I'd feel the same way. Despite the huge trial this is, you will come out on top in the end- you're just that kind of girl.
Love K
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